Only the lucky few who met their spouses in college or somehow in real life soon after college have not experienced this unusual brand of torture. Since I’m a month away from turning 35 and I certainly won’t meet anybody in real life due to COVID, I turned once again to the dating apps that have always been an easy, yet somewhat awful way to meet men. I’m getting older and there are certain things in life that I want that I don’t have forever for, so I figured I may as well give it a try, even if I completely sink.
I’ve only been on there a few weeks, so I only have a few bad stories this time, but I certainly haven’t received any amazing messages like last time, when a man wrote me a poem to ask me out. He was far too old for me, but I appreciated the effort nonetheless. Of course, there were many more horror stories the last time as well, like the guy who showed me on the date that he had looked up my address. That didn’t creep me out at all…
I believe a man should pay for the first date as I’m a bit old-fashioned, but I always offer to go dutch, and would never be offended if that’s what he wanted to do. I know dating is different now than it used to be, and going dutch happens often. Therefore, I believe that if I don’t have enough money to go dutch on the date, then I don’t have enough money to go on the date… I should not have to force the man to pay for me because I’m not responsible enough in my finances!
Interestingly enough, the opposite happened on my date this weekend. When the bill came, he told me he didn’t have enough money. Well, sir, I didn’t, either! If he had warned me before we went out, we could have put it off until we could have paid dutch. But I ended up paying for all of the Lyfts and the bills. The worst part is — he didn’t even thank me. I’ve never had a date pay for me and not be incredibly thankful to him for picking up the tab. It’s a kind act and should be thanked. But all I received was silence. I found it so rude!
And I don’t mind picking up the tab every once in a while — when you’re dating, you really should switch off. It’s not fair for the man to pay every time. But for him to do this on a first date without warning me in advance and then not thanking me? I’m sorry, but it was just bad manners. I could have forgotten and forgiven it, but there were some other red flags, so I will not be seeing him again.
Another guy with bad manners never made it to the date stage, but just showed up in my messages. He maintained that great sex was part of a good relationship. Of course I agreed — everybody would. He then asked when I would be ready to sleep with him — would I sleep with him on the first date? I declined and explained that it takes me a little longer to get physical than that. He then asked about the third date. I told him that while I have no judgments about people who are comfortable sleeping with somebody on the first, second, or third date, it takes me quite a while to get sexual with somebody, and the third date isn’t long enough for me. Perhaps that’s a crazy answer in this day and age… I haven’t taken a poll. However, I don’t believe it’s such an oddity like he made it out to be. He then asked me for a timetable of when I’d be ready for sex! I told him I didn’t know… but I knew then that the timetable for him would be never and told him that I was probably not the right match for him if he was looking for a physical relationship so soon. I blocked him rather quickly, lest he not get the hint I had given him.
Of course, there have been some quite nice men on the dating apps who make it feel less daunting, but they are generally hell. I look forward to meeting these men and I just hope we have the same chemistry in person that we do over texts. Only time will tell. I’m sure I will have many more stories of dating app life, so I’ll update you of the hell (and hopefully heaven — yeah, I know, I’m quite the massive optimist) that I find on them.