Dating

Dating App Debacles, Part 1

I’m sitting here with a whiskey and diet in my hand. I don’t need to be laid back to write in this blog, but I want to be calm and collected for what I’m doing next. Did I say calm and collected? I really meant that I just don’t want to be disgruntled and exasperated, which I will be without at least two drinks in my system.

I have to check my online dating apps. I really hate them. I haven’t checked Match and eHarmony for about five months, though, so I figure it’s about time. After all, I’m paying for their services. Not like I meet any eligible suitors on there (or on Bumble, which I also use).

The last two guys I went out with were in the summer of 2021 — I was so traumatized that I’m just getting back out there. I went on two dates with each of them and actually liked both. But they weren’t into me so much. Since then, I’ve swiped left so many times that I can’t even count. And when I do swipe right, I’m not all that interested, and conversations tend to peter out over time. I can’t believe I haven’t gone on a date in about six months.

I’m about to turn 36. I want a family. So it’s time for me to at least start dating guys. And quite honestly, I don’t know where to meet them besides dating apps. And in the age of COVID, is there really another way? I didn’t even know of another way before!

I’m going to be more open-minded from now on and swipe right more often. I’ve never cared about height or income and superficial things like that, but I can be picky about other things. And I’m going to promise to give it a go at least one hour a day… and at least two hours tonight!

I just can’t stop thinking of my worst online date. He met me at a bar, bought expensive drinks, and then informed me he had no money. I don’t mind being the one who pays, but I’m on disability — I don’t have money, either. So if I’m paying, let me know in advance, and please don’t buy the most expensive drinks! Then he wanted to take a Lyft to another bar — where he continued to purchase pricey drinks — then a Lyft to another — and then finally back to the bar where we first met up. Of course, I bankrolled all of this. (Let’s just say that I couldn’t pay off my credit card in full that month.) Plus, the whole time, he was love-bombing me. (In case you don’t know, love-bombing is one of the early signs of an abusive relationship, so watch out for that!)

Then again, I have had some pretty damn good dates with men I’ve met online. And some damn good kisses. Just because they didn’t up being the one for me doesn’t mean I’ve never had fun!

Even if I don’t meet the one any time soon, I could use a significant amount of fun in my life right about now. I’m dealing with so much stress due to my mom being sick with breast cancer, and I just plain need some joyfulness as a distraction. So why not go on dates and try to have a good time? Sure, I could end up spending the evening with an atrocious human being. However, after all these years of online dating, that’s only happened once. My chances seem good. And if I happen to connect with somebody I want to go on a second date with, that would be even better!

But I’ll never know if I don’t sign onto my dating apps and give them a try. I have over 100 notifications in that folder… I should really get to them. I can’t have fun talking and flirting with a guy, then go out on a fun date with him if I never actually sign on to the dating apps I’ve paid for. I never thought I would become so disgruntled with dating apps that I would just ignore them. But I’m honestly quite bitter right now. It’s time to turn my frown upside down. If I expect to be disappointed, I will be. So, instead, I will choose to anticipate being content and satisfied with my choices. The more I believe it, the more likely it is to happen!

Part of adulting involves dating and being in a relationship. And I’m genuinely inadequately adulting when it comes to those things. So I think it’s time to give love (or at least like) a fighting chance!

I’ll keep y’all in the loop and update you on how it goes!

Dating

Dating App Hell

Only the lucky few who met their spouses in college or somehow in real life soon after college have not experienced this unusual brand of torture. Since I’m a month away from turning 35 and I certainly won’t meet anybody in real life due to COVID, I turned once again to the dating apps that have always been an easy, yet somewhat awful way to meet men. I’m getting older and there are certain things in life that I want that I don’t have forever for, so I figured I may as well give it a try, even if I completely sink.

I’ve only been on there a few weeks, so I only have a few bad stories this time, but I certainly haven’t received any amazing messages like last time, when a man wrote me a poem to ask me out. He was far too old for me, but I appreciated the effort nonetheless. Of course, there were many more horror stories the last time as well, like the guy who showed me on the date that he had looked up my address. That didn’t creep me out at all

I believe a man should pay for the first date as I’m a bit old-fashioned, but I always offer to go dutch, and would never be offended if that’s what he wanted to do. I know dating is different now than it used to be, and going dutch happens often. Therefore, I believe that if I don’t have enough money to go dutch on the date, then I don’t have enough money to go on the date… I should not have to force the man to pay for me because I’m not responsible enough in my finances!

Interestingly enough, the opposite happened on my date this weekend. When the bill came, he told me he didn’t have enough money. Well, sir, I didn’t, either! If he had warned me before we went out, we could have put it off until we could have paid dutch. But I ended up paying for all of the Lyfts and the bills. The worst part is — he didn’t even thank me. I’ve never had a date pay for me and not be incredibly thankful to him for picking up the tab. It’s a kind act and should be thanked. But all I received was silence. I found it so rude!

And I don’t mind picking up the tab every once in a while — when you’re dating, you really should switch off. It’s not fair for the man to pay every time. But for him to do this on a first date without warning me in advance and then not thanking me? I’m sorry, but it was just bad manners. I could have forgotten and forgiven it, but there were some other red flags, so I will not be seeing him again.

Another guy with bad manners never made it to the date stage, but just showed up in my messages. He maintained that great sex was part of a good relationship. Of course I agreed — everybody would. He then asked when I would be ready to sleep with him — would I sleep with him on the first date? I declined and explained that it takes me a little longer to get physical than that. He then asked about the third date. I told him that while I have no judgments about people who are comfortable sleeping with somebody on the first, second, or third date, it takes me quite a while to get sexual with somebody, and the third date isn’t long enough for me. Perhaps that’s a crazy answer in this day and age… I haven’t taken a poll. However, I don’t believe it’s such an oddity like he made it out to be. He then asked me for a timetable of when I’d be ready for sex! I told him I didn’t know… but I knew then that the timetable for him would be never and told him that I was probably not the right match for him if he was looking for a physical relationship so soon. I blocked him rather quickly, lest he not get the hint I had given him.

Of course, there have been some quite nice men on the dating apps who make it feel less daunting, but they are generally hell. I look forward to meeting these men and I just hope we have the same chemistry in person that we do over texts. Only time will tell. I’m sure I will have many more stories of dating app life, so I’ll update you of the hell (and hopefully heaven — yeah, I know, I’m quite the massive optimist) that I find on them.