I’m sitting here with a whiskey and diet in my hand. I don’t need to be laid back to write in this blog, but I want to be calm and collected for what I’m doing next. Did I say calm and collected? I really meant that I just don’t want to be disgruntled and exasperated, which I will be without at least two drinks in my system.
I have to check my online dating apps. I really hate them. I haven’t checked Match and eHarmony for about five months, though, so I figure it’s about time. After all, I’m paying for their services. Not like I meet any eligible suitors on there (or on Bumble, which I also use).
The last two guys I went out with were in the summer of 2021 — I was so traumatized that I’m just getting back out there. I went on two dates with each of them and actually liked both. But they weren’t into me so much. Since then, I’ve swiped left so many times that I can’t even count. And when I do swipe right, I’m not all that interested, and conversations tend to peter out over time. I can’t believe I haven’t gone on a date in about six months.
I’m about to turn 36. I want a family. So it’s time for me to at least start dating guys. And quite honestly, I don’t know where to meet them besides dating apps. And in the age of COVID, is there really another way? I didn’t even know of another way before!
I’m going to be more open-minded from now on and swipe right more often. I’ve never cared about height or income and superficial things like that, but I can be picky about other things. And I’m going to promise to give it a go at least one hour a day… and at least two hours tonight!
I just can’t stop thinking of my worst online date. He met me at a bar, bought expensive drinks, and then informed me he had no money. I don’t mind being the one who pays, but I’m on disability — I don’t have money, either. So if I’m paying, let me know in advance, and please don’t buy the most expensive drinks! Then he wanted to take a Lyft to another bar — where he continued to purchase pricey drinks — then a Lyft to another — and then finally back to the bar where we first met up. Of course, I bankrolled all of this. (Let’s just say that I couldn’t pay off my credit card in full that month.) Plus, the whole time, he was love-bombing me. (In case you don’t know, love-bombing is one of the early signs of an abusive relationship, so watch out for that!)
Then again, I have had some pretty damn good dates with men I’ve met online. And some damn good kisses. Just because they didn’t up being the one for me doesn’t mean I’ve never had fun!
Even if I don’t meet the one any time soon, I could use a significant amount of fun in my life right about now. I’m dealing with so much stress due to my mom being sick with breast cancer, and I just plain need some joyfulness as a distraction. So why not go on dates and try to have a good time? Sure, I could end up spending the evening with an atrocious human being. However, after all these years of online dating, that’s only happened once. My chances seem good. And if I happen to connect with somebody I want to go on a second date with, that would be even better!
But I’ll never know if I don’t sign onto my dating apps and give them a try. I have over 100 notifications in that folder… I should really get to them. I can’t have fun talking and flirting with a guy, then go out on a fun date with him if I never actually sign on to the dating apps I’ve paid for. I never thought I would become so disgruntled with dating apps that I would just ignore them. But I’m honestly quite bitter right now. It’s time to turn my frown upside down. If I expect to be disappointed, I will be. So, instead, I will choose to anticipate being content and satisfied with my choices. The more I believe it, the more likely it is to happen!
Part of adulting involves dating and being in a relationship. And I’m genuinely inadequately adulting when it comes to those things. So I think it’s time to give love (or at least like) a fighting chance!
I’ll keep y’all in the loop and update you on how it goes!